Does anyone else feel a sense of dread and defeat when they hear “there’s someone out there for everyone”?

For me, this phrase makes the process feel like a magical black box instead of one where people have predictable reactions to things that I do. It’s like I have no control over whether someone feels a connection with me, and no choice except to go on date after date until some random stranger turns out to be “the one.” It scares me because I’m an unusual person, so what if no one ever sees me as their person?

But obviously this isn’t really the entire story. We can make ourselves more attractive to a wider range of people. There are conversational techniques that help build a connection. Our own level of enthusiasm and engagement plays a major role. Relationships always involve a level of conscious choice on our part, and our words and actions are extremely important.

For me, it’s more empowering to think about how to love others and how to make them feel loved than it is to hold the belief that there’s a magic person out there who automatically will love us and we cannot be with anyone else.