Ghosted in the most painful way

Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate your help. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for exactly—comfort, advice on how to take this blow and move on—I have no idea. Thank you in advance to anyone who has the patience to read my story.

I had a relationship that lasted 4 and a half years, which ended two years ago. Since then, I’ve liked two guys: one with whom things didn’t progress into anything serious, and the other—the one this story is about—who ghosted me in the most painful way possible.

I’m 25F, he’s 29M. I want to say that I know this is 100% my fault. I know I’m more naive than a child, and I take full responsibility. I talked to this guy for about two months on Instagram, daily. Slowly, we both got used to getting messages from each other. In the evening, I’d wait for him to get home from work so we could really talk. During lunch breaks or any free minute, I’d eagerly check my phone for a notification from him and reply as soon as I could.

It seemed like we really got along—we had the same humor, the same ideas, the same perspective on things. He seemed serious and genuinely excited to meet me. I know it sounds superficial, but you could feel the chemistry. On top of that, we were really attracted to each other (photos we would send, videos, voice notes etc. we seemed like each other’s type).I started to have feelings for him and believed he felt the same.

We talked about him coming to the city I live in, or somewhere nearby. He no longer had a car, so the plan was for him to come by motorcycle, which was more complicated (we live 530 km apart). Then he said he’d ask for a work trip near my city so we could meet there. That sounded fine, but one day, while joking around, it somehow turned into me being the one who would travel—by train.

At the time, I didn’t have a car, and flying made me a little anxious. Even though it was a 13-hour train ride, I told myself it was fine. I’d traveled like that before as a kid, and sadly, when I like someone, I’m willing to overcome a lot of obstacles.

So I planned everything. I booked the Airbnb entirely on my own. I went to the mall and bought everything I thought I’d need to look my best. I really made an effort. The day of the trip came. I packed my bags and got on the train.

During the ride, it hit me that this was really happening—I was actually doing this. I arrived in the city, dragged my luggage around trying to find the complex with the Airbnb (he was still at work). Eventually, I found it. I decorated part of the place with balloons and went into town to buy him a cake (which turned out amazing—I’m pretty sure I found the best bakery!).

In the evening, he finally arrived. We met and instantly liked each other in person, physically speaking. I was extremely nervous. I hugged him, we went upstairs, and I showed him the surprise. I also gave him a singing card and a funny poem. I thought it might be too much, but I really wanted him to feel appreciated and to smile—even though my own birthday had been a week and a half before, and he’d forgotten to say happy birthday. I just wanted him to feel good.

Then we went for a walk. Nothing was open anymore since it was late, so we went back to the Airbnb. We opened a bottle of wine and drank on the balcony. We had sex—it was super enjoyable and exciting. I felt like we were finally letting the chemistry we’d been building over messages come to life.

Afterward, we went to bed. I could sense a slight change in energy when I asked him how he wanted to sleep, as I was going to choose my side of the bed accordingly. He replied that he couldn’t hold me all night. That comment hit me weird, especially since we had previously talked in messages about how addictive it is when he holds someone in bed. I was really excited because I hadn’t cuddled like that with anyone in a long time, and I knew he used to hold his ex for hours at night.

I told him it was okay, no pressure. In the end, he did hold me—but only for short periods. I didn’t expect him to cuddle me all night, but the way he said it felt unnecessary, especially for our first night together.

The next day we woke up, and at some point, he said he’d call his mom later to check on her hand (I knew she had dislocated her shoulder). Right away, I thought this might be a pretext to leave, but I wasn’t sure. We had sex again, walked around holding hands, went to a restaurant, and had a nice time.

I felt so good. I knew I had three days ahead with nothing to do but stroll hand in hand with the guy I liked, have sex, laugh, have fun, and relax. We got back to the Airbnb, had sex again, and at one point, he said he was calling his mom. After the call, he told me they were going to put her arm in a cast for two weeks, and he didn’t know what to do—he wanted to go see her but didn’t want to upset me.

At that moment, I froze. I’d been through something like this before, and I think I just switched to autopilot. I didn’t fully realize what was happening.

He normally lived a few hours away—about one hour from the city we were in, and then a few more to where his mom lives. Basically, if he went, he’d only get to spend one day with her, and then he’d have to go back to work. He wouldn’t even really be able to help. I told him this, but I also said to do what he thought was best.

We sat in awkward silence for a while, and then he said he’d stay one more night. I said OK, in that case, I’d go get ready and do my makeup so we could go out. He replied, “Yeah?” And I said, “Yeah.” I noticed a change in his facial expression. Seeing that, I told him to take 5 more minutes to think about it. Eventually, he decided he would leave that evening.So it seemed like maybe going out was the problem?Bur why since we’ve discussed our program beforehand , and both agreed to go out to restaurants/cinema/pool/club/just walking around town etc.

But anyway, he packed his bag and left. And I was left alone for two more nights, 500 km from home, in an empty Airbnb, sitting on the balcony, wondering what I did and why I deserved this.

I know everyone has their own perspective, but honestly, I tried to look my best, I’m not different from the photos I post, I tried to create and maintain a nice atmosphere for both of us, I didn’t bother him with anything—whenever he had an idea or wanted to do something, I was all for it. I behaved as best I could. I just wanted us both to relax, no pressure. We didn’t know what would happen next, but I wanted to live in the moment.

When he left, he hugged me, kissed me, looked back once, and that was it.

I cried my eyes out when I realized what had happened. I was shocked, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t find a reason. If I had done something wrong, okay—but I didn’t.

I thought maybe he didn’t like something about me, but to leave me like that feels disgusting. It was my fault for putting in so much effort as a girl and not letting him do those things, but he seemed like a decent person.

Now I’m writing all of this on the train back home. I’m trying to sleep, but I’m passing through all the same places I did on my way there, and I can’t believe how different the movie I came with is from the one I’m leaving with.

The only reason I should be sad right now is because our little vacation ended. But this truly hurts, and I can’t sleep. I’m staring into space, and it feels like I can’t get it out of my head.

I should mention—he hasn’t written a single thing since he left. Neither have I. I just unfollowed him on Instagram.

Do you have any idea why he did this? Or better yet—how can I get this out of my head? My brain is trying to find answers, and I just can’t. Asking him would be pathetic, since if he really wanted to be honest, he would’ve been from the start.

Thank you!

TL;DR: I took a 13-hour train ride to meet a guy I’d been talking to long-distance (me 25F, him 29M). Even though everything seemed great at first, he bailed on the second night, even though I booked an Airbnb for both of us for 3 nights. He used the excuse that he needed to see his mom and never contacted me again (not even to check if I got home safe), even though I treated him kindly and tried to make him happy for his birthday.